Love and Exhaustion

I am so exhausted,
my brain is shot,
a tooth is hurting and trying to drink the water i so dearly need...ouch.
Sometimes I sit wondering why I let myself get so upset,
over nonsense that will soon be gone away,
and knowing that things can just be good all the time now,
instead of only once a year or two.
I stare at a blank screen and realize that when I let the words ebb,
I lose the flow.

Keeping promises to myself is so very vital,
especially since I think in terms of ...well... me me me and then tend to do everything for
everyone except me.
This is something I will never stop doing.
Why do I do this?
...you might start to ponder,
 I'll admit I used to wonder too.
But now I know:
love.
Love made me do it.
Love makes me whole.
If I look at everything I have ever done that doesn't just seem to be for me,
it was love that four letter word that I needed to say and hear and know.

I silenced myself because I thought of love.
I let things get too delayed because I thought it was all out of love.
I fall asleep at traffic lights when I'm in love because
love is more necessary to me than sleep.
When a brand new day started I accepted missed calls and confusion,
pushed slightly away and then grabbed back with such passion.
I fall asleep staring at bread wishing I had a home that felt like home to place the groceries snugly into.
I drive aimlessly to buy dental floss at 10pm because I can't stop mentally counting the dollars I need to break free from my sadness.
I walk my dog ten times a day to get out of this prison that presses down on me.
One more month one more month,
few more weeks few more weeks.
All I hear are hopeful things and yet hardly can the hope stay with me when I don't have what I need everyday.

I need those crystal blue mirrors that won't let me lie,
I need those whispers that keep me smiling and sane.
I need to not overanalyze and ask myself why can't time just love me too.
I need to make sure that I'm getting sleep,
I need to do work and I can't
focus is not with me.

I want to not have to make a telephone the medium of thought,
I want to just be safe and comfortable all the time,
I want to talk untill sleep forces my eyes shut and wraps me in your arms,
I want everything when I want it and that would be now.
peace is so close I can feel it.

I don't even know if my words make sense to anyone else.
I don't even know if I have the ebb and flow without tidal waves of emotion,
but the peace saves me.
the love saves me.
and those beautiful blue orbs can see my soul and feed it love.
The love will save me,
it has to.