placemat ramblings

Well it's ok that we spill the salsa because I'm not a bitch.
I'm nice.
We still yell WHORES from a canyon even if somebody heckles when we perform.
No matter who's eyes bug out and tell us not to do our thing.
"There are children in the room"...we are not in a room lady-this is the street.
There are so many more terrible things on the street than my words.
It's what we do and where we go,
15 years later I still feel the same about writing down what counts.
To me,
everything counts.
We were young and thinking
about drinking
and doing our thing.
We were unstoppable...and still remain just so.
Not knowing what will come next or why we have to bother with rules when all they do is get broken.
We know what we want...sometimes.
When we do we just do it and it's all good.
When uncertain about stuff,
we may
get
angry.
Sure I have done the same.
Insecurity and hurtful things spewed from my lips before I can think for two seconds what I've said,
but not with you.
Not to people I love.
things keep flowing and it will be ok.
this is what I need to believe.
My shoes may fit good, but I change into my Chucks,
and I listen to you telling me I want something I can never have but you want it too.
I always want what I can't have and so do we all.
It's called life.
We need to converge to get what we need,
what we want
what we love.
All these people saying we just want something we can never have: it's just a song from the 90s that I don't believe in anymore.
I do what i need,
want,
feel,
love.
That's it,
not too many comprimises on this end beyond being a part of something whole that I have found finally again.
I don't think I want to hear about the past as much as i want to sit in the park and talk about now.
I can tell you all about pain and hurt and stuff that almost killed me...including me.
but the thing is,
I value my life so very much these days that I can't dwell on stuff that is in that past,
that fast past that I don't see anymore as much as I once did.
I passed the fast past away and its buried in my yard next to the tiger lilies.
alone.
it can stay alone,
and if the ground around it is unearthed,
I will just go get the fucking lawnmower.
Nobody can censor something they know nothing about,
and I can't flip a switch to turn off everything that makes me who I am,
I get physically ill at the thought of losing things I adore,
but in the mean time that we refer to as life,
I love you too.
The tiger lilies are coming up just fine.