Would someone please smash that F'n clock?

Sometimes I think that there are all these consistencies in life and I'm just not seeing why they are so important. OK I should re-state that: lately there seem to be many people doing things that are expected of them as if life were a contest to see who could succeed at being "the norm" first. As soon as some people turn thirty there seems to be a panic (not all people--I am NOT generalizing, but I'm also not using names ya dig) to get married, get mortgage, make baby, get pet, make other baby...and it goes on. Sometimes, it's even a race to see who has the most firsts: "I have two but my sister has three and our brother is on his first." You would think we were talking about bowls of food here...

I'm not bitter by any means. Every choice I have made (not to have kids yet and not to be married) has been just that: my choice. But the thing that gets me is that I have so much living left to do before I would be willing to give up my own life to be devoted to a little person's needs, and I'm only thirty three. So what is all of the fuss about? Yeah the clock ticks, and it always will. If an urge to breed kicks in I am sure I'll do just that; if an urge to breed kicks in too late, I would absolutely adopt a child that needed a home. Therefore--what's the rush? There are options in life and it can be really scary how ignorant people can be of those options.

Just last night I had a tearful phone call from a friend who found out she's expecting. She is freaked out; understandably, because she is not in a stable relationship and is unsure which of her two "people she sees" (her words) are the cause of said predicament. After talking for a while, we determined that this is not the end of the world. It's early on, and there are several choices she can make. However, the thing that got to me is that she wasn't worried about maybe needing to go to a clinic, or an adoption agency, or thinking about carrying another human inside her for nine long months. She was worried because of her age. "At thirty something we need to do this while we still can," she sobbed.

I was shocked to hear this coming from someone I know as well as I know her. She is a strong, self-sufficient, independent woman. In fact, I...who am never speechless, was stricken silent for a moment. So I said, "You aren't upset because you are pregnant, or because you would have to make the big choice. You aren't upset because of the possibility of having to tell two people that they may be a dad. You are upset because you are ... the age that you are? Did I get this right? Like an early mid-life crisis, or a late quarter-life one?" Silence...long pause...sniffling...laughter.

I guess that sounded bizarre to anyone who is of the belief that time is of the essence for these things. But we laughed for a few minutes, and she realized that the reason for her distress was really not the worst part of it, and she should focus for a second: on the other stuff. We do tend to remain the age we are whether we marry, give birth, switch jobs, break up, get together...whatever. Now I know it's not easy to make big decisions, and we sometimes tend to take the wrong amount of time to assess the impending damage, but after an hour of discussion, my friend decided that it was at least more important to calm down and think about what she really wants for herself. (my words...but she agreed)

There seems to be this hysteria in the air about having all the marrying and the baby-making done by a certain time or women should just give up on happiness overall. It's also far from being a sole case that I was recently made aware of. It's like a widespread epidemic. Women are freaking the hell out about whatever this clock has to say (I don't personally hear it, but I think it speaks to some people pretty rudely!) I really don't mean to be so negative about all the things that little girls are supposed to dream about and stuff...but...for god's sake women...travel with protection! If you are not sure what you want, or if you don't want to have to count squares on a calendar...be careful in the first place! And if you do have the desire to race to the finish line of "normal" (whoever came up with that term was probably assassinated by someone like me) be ready for the consequences.

I've got another friend who always dreams about how it would be if she didn't get married at twenty two and didn't have four kids. I know that we all want what we don't have but...really? I can't imagine being at that point...in fact I will never be at that point, obviously...but if I was it would be because I chose to be there. I just don't feel the pressure that people talk about when it comes to this crap. OK maybe I shouldn't call it crap...but today it feels like crap: the least important thing on my list. Living up to other people's standards just is not something that interests me.

On the other hand (and there always is another hand) I have friends with husbands and wives who are genuinely nice couples, and I have friends with children that I completely adore. This is not my rant of why the family structure is fucked up--not at all. This is just what I've been thinking about because I once again seem to feel like a square peg with that round hole I'm looking at and thinking about walking away from...again. Not only do I not want to trim my corners, but I feel like someone should take a sledgehammer and make the friggin hole bigger.

If we try to conform to what society expects of us, we end up doing what I fear the most: losing our voices. Not only are we susceptible to the possibilities of failing ourselves, but when we look at what seems to be "the norm" it's possible that we may fail everyone else as well. If that's what happens, no wonder so many people are on medication! (Sure, I'm able to joke about such things now, but only because I've been there too) It would be simple if there was a pill for each of these "epidemics" wouldn't it?

A visit to the doctor could cure the "baby blues" or loneliness, or we could get a pill to hit "snooze" on that damn clock everyone keeps talking about. There may well one day be a prescription for feeling like you should be following all your twenty-something friends down the aisle in a (gulp) white dress. Or an antidote for the need for a little someone who loves you unconditionally (this is where I mention my dog who also does just that) and until then we may just have to hang in there...or better yet lose all the hanging around and LIVE OUR OWN LIVES.

I don't want to appear negligent of other people's wedded, babied, structured bliss. I certainly see how there is joy in such endeavors and am happy for all those who find that joy. I'm just getting a little sick of hearing about things like clocks and "at our age..." and "by now we should have..." and I know with the utmost certainty that I'm not the only one who feels this way. This is where I praise all the women (and men as a matter of fact) in my life for being able to see my side of this equation. If I had not heard you nod in agreement just now I might be a little scared that I'm the odd one out.