In a yoga class this past week, I set my intention for practice as usual, but chose something new: slowing down. As my eyes floated closed and I thought about what that means, I smiled in spite of the desperate plea that hung behind those words. What began as a thought of "Mental exhaustion is just awful" turned to a delightful realization over the next 90 minutes.
I think what mattered most was that I had time to prepare for the holiday onslaught this year. I don't mean buying retail stuff and carving meat (which is a whole 'nother hilarious story) round a table. I mean, this year we had some forced down time with a hurricane followed by snow, friends in need and the drive to do something. As terrible as Sandy was, and although people will be rebuilding for long into the future, there has been an air of compassion that has taken away some of the harshness this year. Less short tempers and snapping at each other I think. People watching in NYC this season saw more random acts of kindness and less eye rolling overall. Seems like more people are taking steps to stop and look at what's right in front of them. It's a refreshing change.
In September, I began a yoga teacher training program in a beautiful studio and have been practicing all of the new and exciting things I am learning both on and off the mat. What do I think about the process? Well, it is anything but easy. I don't like to examine my flaws and tendencies on an intimate level...do you? In addition, I tend to pack my schedule so full with other stuff that just isn't as important and get overloaded with nonsense. And then I get sick and run down and well...it's a cycle.
Enough already.
I've made some really tough decisions this year. Life decisions, work decisions, relationship choices, family choices, self looking moves. There is a huge amount of stuff milling about my brain that feels somewhat like yet another storm brewing. But I hear that everyone goes through this in some form when deepening their practice...so I press on.
During my newly enhanced yogic journey, I have been working on my short stories which will eventually be in a collection (shooting for within 2013) which has been postponed way too long. In order to devote more time to my own work--because it is time and there is nothing short of physical death that will prevent me from writing the rest of this book right now--I have made many choices and have discussed, debated and reflected till my deep breathing self was thrown down. By thrown down I mean I'm typing this in PJs at noon, two days after Christmas with a wicked sinus cold (even the neti pot hurts) sipping tea and staying still.
Forced to slow down. Ironic.
When I began to ponder how I got sick: aside from spending a night in rainy snowy NYC, followed by a long day in an overheated house with not a crack in any window, surrounded by coughing people (I know it hurts my brain too) I smiled again. This time, I thought about how I didn't complain and open the windows in an angry manner. I went outside and got some fresh air repeatedly instead. I took my time eating and nobody even noticed I brought raw vegetables and subbed them for the butter drenched ones. I for one had a healthy Christmas dinner. In the flurried night on Christmas Eve, I enjoyed time with friends and walked twenty or so blocks laughing and chatting with holiday abandon. When you take the time to slow down--and leave your watches at home, you see a lot more.
And I don't just mean with your eyes--though this is certainly true too. I feel much more sensitive and pick up easily on others' emotions and surrounding energies. I've learned how important to health is can be to stay
away from the baddies and embrace the goodies. If that doesn't make sense...just keep thinking. Eventually a light bulb will come on.
Since I have been sitting still all I can think about is getting outside and moving, but my body is threatening to call the doctor, so I'm resting and drinking juice and tea for another day. Grateful to have all of this time for myself and happily not checking work emails at all, I think it's funny that my biggest dilemma thus far has been divided into two questions:
Am I in the mood for Sencha or Kava?
Do I feel like writing in this moment or should I just keep reading?
I hope that many of you are having relaxing work-free holidays this year. If I didn't have this in-between time to take care of me, I don't think I could live the life I do. Who knows, I may just start taking people's advice and stop over doing it. I mean really I keep getting forced to slow down. Might as well go with the flow.
Happy Holidays you crazy maniacs, I love you all.
K
