years: shudders through my soul

no matter what no matter when
i will still be me
at the very least
i can assure
i'll remain myself
no mask
no fluffing
no perfect
no facade.

i will always complete the required, realistic, dead-on gaze at self in mirror.

mirror:
seeing me even when
undefined
seeing me even when
uncertain
of
who
i
want
to
be.

fever pitch
of self doubt
frantic fear
of all things
unknown
and
new.

terrified of diamonds
she craves:
security
warmth
love
security
warmth
love

i want to be myself
and i am:
unfettered
unchained
uncensored
uninterrupted.

deep breaths
gulping air
under
stars we share
with everyone
but claim
for our
own.

i want to be free
i want to be pure
i want to know why
life always feels
three sizes
too
medium
and
not
enough
kick

thick skin
thin socks
pounding heart
red rimmed eyes
bitten cuticles
voice
skipping
beats
as vocal
chords
crack
open.

pangs of pain
hurtful barrage
emotion slamming
my brain
from:
worry
qwerty
dirty
scathing
broken
ragged
heart gone sour
with bile
and veins all
a-twitch
unexpressed strife.

when is it my turn
to set free
let free
my pain
my anger
my story
not someone else's
but my
hurt
my story
my life.

craving simplicity in a world
formerly
made of love
and smiles
gold hearts
that glow
with giddy anticipation
of years to come

years: shudders through my soul

hearing it all
i hear you
clear you
absolve you
know exactly
how to embody
the hurt
the lies
the tears
the lies
the fake
the truth
the hurt of the truth.

it's my time to
release.
i will hurt no longer.
i
will
love.