From the Trenches to the Burbs: Nobody Shows

Thinking that the first day of the summer quarter would yield a full classroom prompted me to retire at a decent hour last night. I was actually in bed, asleep, in the 12's. I went home early, and even ate a calm, grilled chicken salad for dinner amongst friends. A rare happening, but it was something I was pleased about, especially since today was the first day of the summer quarter at work. Usually this means that people drag themselves to class, expecting the worst, or specifically now, dread having to leave the A/C in 105 degree heat after just having ten days off.

Today: not so much.

I arrive at 7:50am to campus #1, pay my seven bucks to park, and remain alone until 8:10. At this point one student ambles in (for our 8am class) and we proceed to chat for ten minutes...twenty minutes...an hour. Since there are only six people on my roster, I assume that the rest of them have decided to skip the first day in true freshman style. It happens, and I decide that I will just see them on Thursday.

So I let the one person go early, and drive to campus #2: a half hour drive that took an hour, due to traffic and detours that have not been applied to TomTom the navigator's world just yet. I became hopeful that at least half of the twenty five expected students would show to my 10:45am class.

As I sit accompanied by a total of one student, I decide something must be happening & email my department. AHA moment: there was a mandatory orientation...during class time. This made me feel better for a minute...maybe two. Then I realized I did see a few cancellation signs on my way past other people's classrooms. Then I thought about the five hours I just spent traveling from home to Newark to Woodbridge. Then I realized I had yet to go to West Paterson because the books I need for tomorrow are not with me.

A whole different dilemma lies in the concept of my office being on a campus I am not working at for the summer...hmm. But I digress, I drive half way there and realize I've been awake over six hours and have eaten a banana and am severely dehydrated. So I fend off dizziness, pull over and heave the banana, and make it at a crawl to a drive thru (which is never a good idea if you normally don't eat fast food) off the Garden State Parking Lot...oh sorry Parkway. At which point I hear a beeping sound that I had missed underneath my blaring Eminem and see that I am out of gas.

OK REALLY?

This is where I would normally cry, but at this point it was so fucking funny (or seemed so due to malnutrition and dehydration and the general sorry state of my physical self these days) that I instead began peering into the rearview mirror thinking, "Am I being filmed? 'Cause this feels like Seinfeld...or The Twilight Zone...or perhaps I'm being Punk'd?"

I am somehow (thankfully) able to get chicken nuggets, diet coke and a water and not lose it on the line that took fifteen minutes for three cars...not exaggerating. As I roll from the drive thru to the blessedly adjoining gas station, I think..."This is Day ONE." Ironically I happen to glance at the car temperature gauge which says 110. Again, not kidding. So I pull over under a tree and eat, rehydrate, and fill up the gas, realizing I've still got twenty more minutes to go getting to the last (third) campus, then eventually can go home...to create new syllabi for tomorrow since mine suddenly feel inadequate...yet again.

Not only does this immediately trigger a teeth grinding episode, I simultaneously remember that I'm not supposed to chew on the left side because yet another filling (done by my previous psychotic dentist/employer) is on it's way out and my real dentist; who is the only one coming near these teeth, is on vacation for a few more days. I have no words for tooth pain. I also had no Advil left because I crunched the last four on the way to campus #1.

So I give up on eating, and head to campus #3 to discover my desk chair is missing, someone is storing miscellaneous motivational art in my closet sized office, and everyone I encounter knew about this orientation situation. Apparently we needed to show up for the "few" (ONE) students that are either repeating the class or not in  their first quarter. All I can do is laugh.

At least my office mate--who I discover sitting in the dark catching up on emails (this may actually be the only way we are not tracked down in our insanely high traffic area) has had a similarly uninformed day. However, said office mate teaches at the campus where everyone is, along with our office and was a bit sooner and more locally informed. At this point, I chat with my other coworkers and thank goodness I at least work with nice people...because if I didn't...well I suppose I'd be job hunting by now.

It all sounds really funny when I look back at this day being that I used to do this ALL the TIME as an adjunct. I usually break the ice (with students who work, go to school, and have kids) in Week 1 by saying how I used to be so busy I literally had my schedule on the visor in the car and would flip it down each morning to see where I had to go...not kidding. I recall teaching six classes at Hunter, and two at Berkeley. Then I recall a haze of a year where I did three at UCC, two at ECC, four at Berkeley and somehow began teaching online??? I am wondering just reading this how that was possible...but I did it.

Suddenly 110 makes me laugh. The fact that I made it to the gas station beats the flats I used to get on the Turnpike frequently. The nuggets beat the liquefied granola bars that lived in the glove box if I even remembered to stash them there. Forget about hydration, I'd be lucky to remember to keep room temperature water in the cup holder for the next day. And if I forgot to bring food with me, well, adjuncts simply don't make enough to swing a mortgage and buy lunches. So I had a brief moment of clarity which led me to a second and then a third realization: thankfulness for dental insurance, and eventually gratitude for the ability to drive to work at all instead of taking PT.

Don't misunderstand me: I really like my job. I love teaching writing to people who think they are not going to learn anything and proving them wrong. I love that I can have a day where I'm able to finish work at 2pm or 12:30 even. I wholeheartedly appreciate all the experience I am gaining that will bring me closer to the next career adventure-whatever it may be. I even enjoy the school I'm at and realize how lucky I am to have a full time position there.

All that said, the fact remains: when stuff goes wrong and you think about how Murphy's Law your day was, you come away with some friggin awesome material.