One Foot on Each Side of the Bridge

This weekend I went home to NY again. Not only did I see many good people, and enjoy the company of friends I've missed, I did an impromptu reading at a bar, saw some amazing art, won a painting, and spent two days just being myself. There was no stress, and nothing wrong for two whole days. No work to worry about, no reason to have to think about running to another state to do whatever it might be that needed doing. Granted I was free from responsibility and had a rare two days to spare...but it was a lot of fun.

I can't do it all the time, just pick up and go. There are those inevitable things that are required of me. As a professor with two weeks left in my quarter, I must grade a bevy of young writing, and I look forward to doing so. As a mom to a four year old doggie son I have to make sure he's walked, fed, and usually in my lap when I'm home...definitely enjoy that part too. As a homeowner, I of course have to make sure to be home a lot of the time and do house stuff, and the usual adult stuff that pops up day to day. I have to say I sometimes even don't mind that. Would I rather write a story than a mortgage check? That's...a no-brainer. But not everything can be simple, and for now I'll do both.

Thinking about the past few months and how much time I've spent working on writing, doing readings, submitting articles, stories, poems, and working on the book; I keep coming to the same conclusion. Work on what you feel most passionate about and everything else will fall into place. Many people have spoken these words to me: all from extremely different walks of life. All of them are important to me in some way: family, friends, significant others, all trying to understand why I'm so very unsatisfied with my life.

Now that I've begun this resurgence of creativity, I am not at all dissatisfied with my life. Things slowly have started to crawl into place. Not everything can be perfect or have the timing that it needs to have, but when it works, it works pretty well. Am I absolutely certain about anything? No. I still don't have that...never did, but maybe that's not such a bad thing. I see many changes happening and also some constants that remain and I accept and adore them all. It may not be possible to just uproot my brain from negative places it had been planted in the past, but I'm optimistic about plugging it in to some positive outlets nearby.

That said, there is so much to think about and I've got no starting point besides these pages, hence so many ramblings of late. Trying to work it out and keep sane is a tough one. I'm really thankful for all the support I've received and can't wait to see what happens on the next page.